Yep…another blog about resolutions. You see, I get a double whammy every year. My birthday just happens to be December 31st, and when it rolls around I’ve spent a perfect calendar year doing, well,… what have I been doing?
The older I get I, like most, tend to look back at my failings in order to choose a resolution for the new year. I, like most, wonder if I’m wasting time; if I’ve mattered, if I’m making a difference, If it’s too late to make a difference. What-ifs like to visit as we age, and they ride in on the wings of giant moths. Moths–be they drab or beautiful, hang out in the darker areas of our lives to find the perfect place for egg laying. They serve a purpose just as in nature, and interestingly enough, it’s those baby moths that leave the holes in our cherished things…
I need a flyswatter.
Last Sunday, we merged our Sunday school classes because of low numbers. It was great, and I was richly blessed. However, when being told, I exhibited absolutely no grace or even kindness on my face. Burnt into my brain is an incessant need for things to stay consistent. It’s from the ongoing trauma I endured as a kid. I don’t process change well or quickly. I need time to realize I’m safe, the world is ok, nothing is falling apart. My struggle is real, but it’s ugly. Worse yet, it is sinful. This moth has larvae all over my (spiritual) house.
For the first time in years, 2016 gave me full-time employment and I have discovered what it’s like to want to slap the person who says they spend tons of time in the WORD, or prayer, or exercising, or reading, or keeping their house clean. I feel okay telling you this because I used to be the person saying such things. Along with the extra work hours, have come its extra fruit…weight gain, laziness, messiness, and fleshiness… GO ME.
Don’t get me wrong. 2016 also brought much healing and blessing. God is so Faithful! After all, he’s the one who ordained the circumstances that help me identify my mothy places. And as Old Me stands at the beginning of my New Year once again, He gives me perspective. I have a choice. I can worry about my temporal things getting holey, or my heart getting HOLY. My new resolutions really add up to one thing. When this single thing is my goal, the things of earth truly will grow strangely dim.
And, my beloved friend, so will yours:
Be less self-centered + Manage time better + Eating Better (feel better) + Patience + More time in prayer + Exercise (increase beauty) +
Loving more intentionally + Being more grateful +
Focusing on obedience to God + Serving better
Learning to trust Him with my fear +
Controlling my tongue + Killing pride
= Knowing HIM better
Rend your heart, not your garments. Return to the Lord your God. For He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love; and He relents over disaster. Joel 2